The Problem We Don't Talk About...

Aikido is about harmony—about resolving conflict without ego, without domination, and without the need to prove oneself. That’s the ideal, it’s what draws many of us onto the mat.

But over time, it becomes clear that the principles we practise physically don’t always fully carry over into how people behave on and off the mat. Many practitioners will have experienced both sides of this: genuine support from senior instructors, but also moments of isolation through quiet undermining, or the sense of being spoken about rather than spoken to.

It’s not something often discussed openly, but if we are serious about what Aikido stands for, it is worth reflecting on and acknowledging it is a real factor.

The Ideal vs The Reality.

At its core, Aikido teaches blending, control and re-direction rather than force, and respect at every level. Aikido offers not just a method of Budo development , but a framework for managing conflict constructively.

However, like any human environment, dojos—and their wider associations & communities —are not immune to ego, hierarchy, or miscommunication. Rank carries responsibility as well as authority. Seniority brings influence. While structure is essential for learning, it can also create situations where behaviour is not always reflected upon as carefully as it could be.

What Issues Can Look Like.

In a martial arts context, power imbalance is rarely overt. More often, it presents in subtle and gradual ways, which can include but are not limited to:

• Being consistently overlooked or excluded during training.

• Feedback delivered in a way that discourages rather than develops.

• Conversations happening about someone rather than with them.

• Decisions made without including those affected.

• Authority being used in ways that feel controlling rather than supportive.

Taken individually, these moments may seem minor. Over time, however, they can shape how an environment can be experienced as toxic.

A Personal Perspective.

My own experience reflects both the strengths and the challenges that can exist within a club as well as in associations.

There have been instructors and training partners who have demonstrated genuine support, encouragement, and integrity—people who embody the principles that Aikido seeks to develop. Their influence has been significant in maintaining both motivation and perspective. These are people I call friends and my aikido family. There are a handful of instructors that I feel the same about and who I gladly follow and support.

The principle of who is Soke Gwynne Jones, the head of my association. Soke is such a good example of an encouraging leadership style. Soke is encouraging, supportive and takes time to talk and reflect on all things about the club as well as my own training. He doesn't limit, he encourages, he's reflective and open to devleoping his own aikido, even though he's in his early eighties. A true inspiration and someone I gladly support and follow.

At the same time, there have been other instructors, other periods where I have felt isolated, or moments where communication has not always felt direct or inclusive. At times, there has been a sense that my place has evolved without always feeling fully included in those conversations or decisions that directly impact my club or my aikido.

It doesn't help that I speak out or push back. I recognise that in myself. However, as I mature in my aikido, the more I lend to the principles of Aikido, I no longer seek validation from such people. Instead I learn from the experience, process my own actions and try to change my experiences into something more positive, whilst try to actively support these same people in the best interests of the association and the club.

I'm grateful for these experiences as they teach me how not to be an instructor. As such, this is not about attributing fault or venting anger, but rather recognising how such experiences can affect individuals over time and for us all to learn to avoid such pitfalls.

Favouritism, Cliques, and Inclusive Leadership.

Within any long-standing group, it is natural that friendships and closer training relationships develop. This is part of shared practice and commitment. However, it is also important to remain aware of how support is experienced across the wider community.

There are times when certain groups appear to receive more consistent encouragement, visibility, and reinforcement. Their contributions are recognised and their role within the community feels clearly established.

Outside of those circles, the experience feels very different.

There have been occasions where I have contributed proactively—supporting the community, offering time and effort, and engaging in ways aligned with its values—yet those contributions have not always been acknowledged in the same way. Not dismissed directly, but sometimes less visible despite everyone benefitting from such initiatives.

In isolation, these moments are small. Over time, they form toxic patterns.

And patterns shape toxic cultures.

This is where leadership becomes particularly important.

Leadership in Aikido extends beyond technical knowledge. It includes the responsibility to create an environment that is consistent, fair, and inclusive—one where all members feel seen, supported, and part of the collective development.

When support appears selective—whether intentionally or not—it can begin to create an environment where belonging feels conditional. This is often subtle, but its impact can be significant.

Aikido invites us to think more broadly than that.

If harmony is something we value in practice, it should also be reflected in how people are included, encouraged, and recognised across the whole community. Strong leadership is not just about supporting some. It is about taking responsibility for all.

Why These Dynamics Occur.

Training in Aikido does not automatically equate to emotional awareness or maturity. Like any environment, communities are shaped by the people within them.

Some common contributing factors include:

• Hierarchy without sufficient reflection or feedback.

• Tradition being followed without being questioned.

• The natural presence of ego and identity within structured systems.

• Indirect communication styles.

• Hesitation from junior members to raise concerns.

Recognising these factors is not about criticism, but about awareness.

The Cost of Inaction.

When these dynamics go unaddressed, the effects can be gradual but meaningful:

• Confidence can diminish.

• Participation can reduce especially in kyu grades.

• Individuals may quietly disengage.

• The overall culture can become something people begin to tolerate rather than truly value.

Over time, this can move a community further away from the principles it seeks to represent.

What Aikido Should Ask of Us.

Aikido offers more than physical technique—it offers a model for behaviour.

If taken seriously, it asks for:

• Emotional awareness alongside physical control.

• Respect that applies in all directions.

• Responsibility in how experience and authority are used.

• A willingness to communicate openly and directly.

Demonstrating harmony in technique is one level of practice.

Demonstrating it in human interaction is another.

Moving Forward.

Positive change does not require dramatic action. It begins with awareness and consistency:

• Setting a tone of respect through behaviour at all levels.

• Encouraging open and direct communication.

• Supporting those who may feel less visible.

• Creating space for contribution and feedback across the community.

These are not departures from Aikido—they are extensions of it.

Personal Reflection.

Experiences like mine have offered me an opportunity for growth. They have encouraged me to reflect on resilience, communication, and personal standards. They have challenged me to consider how I respond under pressure and how I choose to treat others regardless of circumstance or how they treat me.

Ultimately, it has helped me clarify not just how I practise Aikido, but how I live its principles.

Aikido provides a framework for approaching conflict with balance and awareness. Its value, however, depends on how consistently those principles are applied. Not only in movement—but in behaviour. Because in the end, Aikido is not just defined by what happens on the mat, but by how people are treated beyond it.

And that is where its deeper meaning is realised.

Sensei Marc George is dojo lead at Ty Sign Aikido based in South Wales, UK.